This feature is written by Ms. Marla Arreza, Cardoner Volunteer Batch 6, and deployed to Xavier Learning Community, Chiang Rai, Thailand.
The Cardoner Volunteer Program is a year-long volunteer service opportunity offered to both alumni/alumnae and faculty members of Ateneo de Davao University.
It has been a month since I left Xavier Learning Community, Chiang Rai. It was my home for one year while I was in Thailand deployed as English language and communications volunteer teacher by Ateneo de Davao University.
To say that I was sad that I had to leave is an understatement – I literally bawled my eyes out a night before leaving, and on my first night away from there. The program prepared me very well for my scheduled departure – I knew way ahead when my flight out of the province would be, but it did not stop me from feeling heartbroken.
I was the first volunteer to be deployed alone to the community. During my first few weeks there, I cried so hard because I felt lonely. But fast forward to the end of the deployment, I cried so hard again but for a different reason: I felt home already. I have never been so attached to people in my whole life. I have never been so in love to people and to a place in my whole life.
The country that was once a stranger to me became home. The people who were strangers to me became family. And I, who was also a stranger to them, became part of the community.
During the post-deployment retreat and my video interview with the Arrupe Office of Social Formation, I was given an opportunity to look back to my experience back there. I was asked how I feel about all the things that happened the past year, and if I am happy right now. Without second thoughts, I expressed how I have nothing but gratitude. I am at my best state right now. I have a very good disposition in life.
In a conversation with Fr. Erwin Torres, our former communication arts professor in Ateneo who happens to be a previous Cardoner volunteer deployed to the same community also, he asked about my plans after the program, and if I am going back to my previous job. I shared that I resigned from my work before I left last year so I won’t feel complacent that I have a fallback after. He was surprised about it, and said it was so brave of me to take a very big risk.
As the conversation continued, he said something about my experience that struck me hard: “The emptying of Marla.” I did not realize that I actually emptied myself when I signed up for the program. I left a stable job that pays well in exchange of a volunteer work that only provided allowance. I left a comfortable and convenient city in exchange of a community away from the city center. I left people dear to me to meet people who are complete strangers to me.
I then connected it to the sharing that we had on the last day of the post-deployment retreat. On a paper, I drew a plate with a quarter of it vacant. I shared that if there is one thing that I learned about life is that you know when a blessing is about to come when God takes something away from you. When God takes something away from you, it doesn’t mean that He is punishing you, but instead He is actually making space in your life for the blessings He is going to give you.
And because I willingly surrendered everything to Him, God has blessed me an experience that I will forever be grateful for. He blessed me a place I can call home. He blessed me people I can call family. He blessed me healing and peace I have long prayed for.
At the end of the interview, I added that I do not have anything yet as of the moment. I do not have a job yet waiting for me. I do not have anything tangible yet. But yes, I am happy. I am sure I am happy. My heart has never been this full.
As I move forward in life, I will surely bring all the lessons I have learned from there. I would continue with a renewed spirit.
Always, Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
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