This feature is written by Ms. Marla Arreza, Cardoner Volunteer Batch 6, and deployed to Xavier Learning Community, Chiang Rai, Thailand.
The Cardoner Volunteer Program is a year-long volunteer service opportunity offered to both alumni/alumnae and faculty members of Ateneo de Davao University.
Taking risks again
Finally left again after a few years of stay in our hometown. I left a very stable life back home to sign up for something I didn’t even know what’s waiting for me. People probably thought I was crazy to gamble on something very uncertain. It was long overdue, but I have never felt so sure and brave of taking risks again. I was ready to take greater challenges, and do more meaningful things in life.
The dots will always lead us to where we’re meant to be
In August 2021, I was planning to study in another Asian country, and spend at least three years there, but in the first quarter of 2022, things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to be. I’m considering it a redirection though, I realized I wasn’t ready to be a full-time student again.
The Cardoner Volunteer Program’s post randomly landed on my timeline one day, and without hesitation, I quickly sent my application for the program. I initially thought it was an impulsive move, but after weeks of discernment, I’ve never felt so sure and brave of taking risks again. I was certain about leaving within 2022 anyway so might as well make my gap year meaningful.
Aivy, a good friend of mine who was also a previous volunteer back in 2018 told me that this is “years in the making” for me. She was right. I forgot I first asked her about the program in March 2020, and she advised me to finish my MBA thesis first. She then hoped that I’d be included in the next batch. Two years later, I am now physically deployed here – the first one since the pandemic started. Indeed, the dots will always lead us to where we’re meant to be.
Living in a community
Every day, I am always humbled by how things work in the community I am in. I realized that back in the Philippines, I was on autopilot mode, and was very apathetic towards a lot of things.
I would have to be honest though that the first two weeks here have been very difficult for me. My head was a spinning wheel of anxiety. When the fact that I left a stable life to go on a journey that doesn’t give an assurance it’ll be worth it started to sink in, I didn’t know how to absorb it.
The first thing that I had to deal with here was that suddenly, I now have people looking for me. I find peace going on incognito most of the time. Back home, the only time that people could look for me is during office hours. Before 8am, and beyond 5pm, I don’t entertain things unless it’s an emergency. But I understand why they had to look for me here. Maybe they were just making sure I’m settling well in my new space just like how good hosts do.
The thing about being in a ‘community’ is that there is a culture of doing things together. As someone who’s used to doing a lot of things independently, this was an adjustment that I had to make. I remember one dinner when I was seated alone at a table on purpose, a student came to me and asked, “Teacher, why do you eat alone?”
I was actually enjoying my time alone, but for unknown reason, the question got stuck inside my head the whole night. I’ve always identified myself as an ambivert. I enjoy meeting new people, but at the same time, I don’t mind being alone once in a while.
I am aware that I do not have anyone here, and I recognize that it’s really best for me to make new friends with the people on campus. I am just very blessed to have students I can count as friends and family. These students made my adjustment period very easy.
We all deserve good things
One night I was talking to a close student of mine. I shared how everything feels so unreal for me. Like wow – this place actually exists, these people actually exist.
I told her how sometimes I feel like I do not deserve the goodness that I have been receiving, and that sometimes, I wish to see myself through their eyes. Her response was so simple but was very full of impact at the same time. “We all deserve good things,” she said.
I could vividly remember how my body instantly felt weak. Inside my head, I said, “That’s it. I should put down the walls that I built. I should erase the lines that I drew.”
Living a good life
You know you are living a good life when time runs really fast, and everything around you feels so unreal. You are now so attached to the people you are with that sometimes you find yourself watching them with so much admiration and appreciation while the noise around is muted, and the motions are put into slow motion.
When I arrived here, I didn’t expect to be attached to anyone at all, but this community welcomed me, a stranger, with open arms, and embraced me as their own.
Some people I know back home told me that I look happier where I am now. I would often respond with a joke asking them if the life that I had back home wasn’t a happy one, but I understand what they meant. Honestly, I also feel that more than ever. Despite the few random emotional breakdowns in between, my heart has really been full here.
I believe in pure hearts again. I believe in good vibes again. I believe in kind souls again. All because of the people in this community I am in.
Marla with her family during her deployment day at Butuan-Bancasi Airport.
Marla with her co-teachers and students at Xavier Learning Community, Chiang Rai, Thailand.
